I love my small group. For those of you who don't know "small group" is a little group of girls who meet every Wednesday night for bible study and fellowship. Sometimes we actually get through prayer requests and focus on the bible. Anyway, my point is that I have an amazing group of girlfriends who totally encourage and uplift each other.
One of my ongoing prayer requests lately has been for clear direction on where I need to be right now. Last month I started feeling some stirring in my soul. Something trying to tell me that some big change was coming, that my life was going to move into another direction. Problem was, I was completely content with where I was. Possibly, the first time that has ever happened to me. I was completely where I wanted to be in life. I worked really hard to ignore that feeling. Now all I want is to give up my own direction and follow His path.
"I promise Lord that if you just tell me where you want me to be then I will follow."
Didn't He already give me that chance? Like the stubborn little brat that I am, I pushed Him away so that I could have MY plan. Well, now my office is moving and my commute time is about to be more like 2 hours one way. So I know it's time to explore my options, I've accepted that now, and I'm ready.
I fully admit that I am a control freak. When people have asked before about what this "meeting" is I go to on Wednesday nights, I've joked that it's AA. Not to lighten the work of AA, but I only recently realized how close to being true that is. Only it's more like Control-Freaks Anonymous. I can't speak for all the girls, but at least for me. My biggest struggle, in my relationship with Jesus, is letting go. When I do the benefits are numerous. It's an amazingly free feeling to have someone looking out for you; someone with so much more power and wisdom than you. It is such a great confidence knowing that you can tackle anything with God on your side. Even more is the idea that He has a plan for you. Even more yet, is that His plan is a hundred times better then the one you could ever plan for yourself. I still forget and I stumble and I fall. Yet, Jesus is still there waiting to show me the way. So I am ready now, to let go. I am exceedingly excited to find out what He has planned for me. I have to admit at the same time I am still the little control-freak wanting to have that plan revealed to me NOW. But I have to trust that I will find out when it's time, because God will always have my best interest in mind.
12 March 2006
My plan vs His plan
February 15, 2006
My passage for today. Sent to me from a friend.
Proverbs 16:3
"Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed."
It fits with my own unstable ground at work. Wondering if the Lord is trying to pull me elsewhere, and I don't want to go. This verse helps put my mind at ease. It reminds me of what Pastor Phil was speaking about a few weeks ago. When he said that whatever it is you do, do it for the Lord, and that will be your ministry. Sometimes it's hard for me to remain focused on the larger goal in mind. That I do this all for Him, so that my actions reflect my love for Him. It's "easier" to focus more on my job stability and how that will reflect my family. Maybe easier isn't the word I'm looking for, hence the quotes. It's just where my mind goes first.... if I make a change how will that reflect our current lifestyle? Though it's really not the "easy" way for my mind to go, it's the stressful way. I get far to engrossed on how I will maintain my things, and forgot that God has a plan for me. Sometimes that plan means it's necessary for me to give up what He has already given me so that I can follow the greater plan He has for me.
I say, "Lord could you please just send me a postcard and tell me what you want from me?" Then I also wonder how sincere I am really being; if He has been trying to tell me what I don't want to hear, am I just ignoring Him. I consider myself a young Christian, so am I the 4 year old with my hands over my ears going, "la la la la la I don't hear you! la la la la la." Because life is pretty stable for me right now and I am content with where I am right now. This fits MY plan, but does it follow HIS?
My passage for today. Sent to me from a friend.
Proverbs 16:3
"Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed."
It fits with my own unstable ground at work. Wondering if the Lord is trying to pull me elsewhere, and I don't want to go. This verse helps put my mind at ease. It reminds me of what Pastor Phil was speaking about a few weeks ago. When he said that whatever it is you do, do it for the Lord, and that will be your ministry. Sometimes it's hard for me to remain focused on the larger goal in mind. That I do this all for Him, so that my actions reflect my love for Him. It's "easier" to focus more on my job stability and how that will reflect my family. Maybe easier isn't the word I'm looking for, hence the quotes. It's just where my mind goes first.... if I make a change how will that reflect our current lifestyle? Though it's really not the "easy" way for my mind to go, it's the stressful way. I get far to engrossed on how I will maintain my things, and forgot that God has a plan for me. Sometimes that plan means it's necessary for me to give up what He has already given me so that I can follow the greater plan He has for me.
I say, "Lord could you please just send me a postcard and tell me what you want from me?" Then I also wonder how sincere I am really being; if He has been trying to tell me what I don't want to hear, am I just ignoring Him. I consider myself a young Christian, so am I the 4 year old with my hands over my ears going, "la la la la la I don't hear you! la la la la la." Because life is pretty stable for me right now and I am content with where I am right now. This fits MY plan, but does it follow HIS?
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